Category: Attitude

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Finding Resilience

We often read of holistic healing of the mind, body and soul. But what does it mean? How are the mind and body connected and how can I know that?
The mind and body are deeply connected. Biologically, our nervous system is the first line of control. It is from where we can sense things, it is where we see, hear, feel, smell and taste from.

The human body is a complex network of circuitry that regulates us constantly. It activates the minute it senses something. It does not need physical proof. For eg. If I ask someone to think of a cool glass of lemonade, one can do it instantly and most probably we will also start salivating. How is that possible? The brain which is part of the mind helps us do this. While the brain is headquarters of the operating system, the mind is the big boss and is not limited to the human body often said to be in us and around us. Some readings suggest, the center of the mind is in our gut – thus the word – gut instinct/survival instinct.

We are biologically designed to adapt and flourish. It is part of our evolution. But sometimes we get stuck in intense loops of stressful events, thoughts and emotions. The feeling of being locked between the high aggressive days and the low depressing ones and the cycle continues. So, what happens to our body when we feel this way?

The Nervous System is activated. It is our emergency room that monitors basic but very important functions of the organs like breathing and the beating of our heart, along with digestion that keeps us alive. It protects us, finding ways to alert us through our stresses. In order to do this, it has two systems in place:

  1. The Sympathetic Nervous System or SNS that activates when it senses danger or threat and sends warning signals to all organs creating an automatic response through the body ready for any eventuality, also commonly known as “Fight or Flight” response, which increases blood flow to the brain, the heart and limbs to be ready, alternatively deactivating nonessential functions of the body to reduce strain during this period of survival.
  2. The Parasympathetic Nervous System or PNS – (Pause) activates when the danger or threat has passed alerting the body to restore its balance, through the “Rest and Digest” mode. It resets the body to function in a relaxed state and optimizes its regular functioning of digestion, urination and thirst.
Everything will be ok – Image by Murray Rudd from Pixabay

But sometimes, the body has difficulty restoring its balance – it gets stuck in highs or lows of life’s circumstances because it has gotten used to being pushed out of its safety and comfort or reached the peak of resilience. This is when we know we are having trouble with managing our resilience.

Resilience is the ability to find our safe place in ourselves where the mind and body feels calm and clear. It does not feel threat constantly and can manage to work through challenging situations easily. The emotions are managed well. We are able to perform and make rational decisions in tough situations. It is OUR BEST SELF.

Flower – Image by Nadja Donauer from Pixabay

The best way to tap into our own resilience is using these three simple methods:

a) Awareness – learning to become aware of ourselves by paying close attention to our body as a key indicator of our highs and lows. An integral part of self-cultivation is to be able to harness this innate ability to calm one’s mind and body through an understanding of our own nervous system to reach ones potential. Our body also stores trauma within it, eg. Consistently falling ill or having a certain part of the body hurt often. Falling into the same kind of problems over and over are good indicators of trauma being stored.
b) Resourcing – An internal or external pool of richness that you can dive deep into, a memory or activity that takes you back to a feeling of contentment or accomplishment, a joy associated with these sensations is an asset you must tap into, a world of wonder within you.
c) Integrating and grounding – A practice of grounding or rooting ourselves to the now, to the current space or scenario. The best way to do this sipping on water, walking, keeping stress balls or a favorite object that grounds us or brings us back to the NOW.

Kintsugi – Image by SEBASTIEN MARTY from Pixabay

We are capable of finding inner clarity and calm. It is possible to handle our feelings and make decisions in the most stressful situations. This point of clarity and calm is called the “Resilience” where we are unperturbed, can handle feelings better, make rational decisions even in the most difficult situations because we feel safe and confident. ITS OUR BEST SELF.

Resilience builds over time, it is important to understand this. For eg. I cannot build a strong house during an earthquake, I must build a strong house either when there is no earthquake or when an earthquake has passed. Same goes for the mind, It has been proven that daily practices of mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healthy eating, resolving issues or trauma through therapy over time builds resilience. It provides us with a bag of resources to deal and work with our own mental earthquakes. But no time is a bad time. START NOW! START TODAY!

Image by Pexels Pixabay

I would like to end with a quote that I truly find inspiring during times of trouble.
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.” Ayn Rand

Janki Mehta
Consulting Psychotherapist and Counselor
Co-founder Mind Mandala
+91 9819001030
www.mindmandala.in
insta – @mindmandala
facebook – @MindMandala
insta – @jankodiaries

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Progress Is More Important Than Perfection

We live our lives in two places, in our bodies and in our minds. During the covid lockdown, Zarwan found himself stuck, struggling to keep hurtful negative emotions at bay. Self-sabotaging habits and destructive thought patterns were wrecking havoc in his entire being. He had no tools or material to keep occupied with either so Zarwan started spiraling downward into what he describes to be a wormhole in his mind space. His mental health was way out of whack and the only person who could pull him out of this suffering was Zarwan himself.

He looked around and found some wire, a few scraps, and just like that his creative expression took over his mind and body. His hands started working the wire to form Spiral, his first character in wire art. Spiral was his first step forward in self therapy and healing. Although Spiral initially sat by the gutter, he would soon be climbing the self-built walls of limiting beliefs that confined Zarwan’s progress.

Zarwan went on to creating other characters and named them Something Missing, Scatter Brain, Stoned Blue, The Bends, Hear Me, Twisted Switch, Inflictor and In Limbo, thus confronting his shadow self. Though most of the characters are dark and self explanatory, the one Zarwan identified with – Spiral, was truly symbolic of what he was going through.

Spiral symbolizes a connection to the higher mind and the energy of the cosmos. Spirals represent harmony, beginning, concentration and focus. Spirals expand, connect and develop. Lastly and most importantly, Spirals represent journey, direction and progress. The process of creative expression was so therapeutic; it brought out Zarwan’s inner world and inner experience and how it was affecting his outer perceptions, goals, relationships. Read more about the characters and check them out on Instagram @zbluntsandwelds

Zarwan is a magnificently talented human being with many interests and aspirations. He has dabbled in event management, sound engineering, fitness and physical training, permaculture and sustainability, production work for music bands and welding. ‘Anything Metal Works’ is a business venture he started a couple of years back. He has built many artworks and sculptures in metal, the most noteworthy being; trophies for India Bike week, installations for Harley Davidson, trophies for RedBull events, customized and personalized lamps and other statement pieces for interior decor. The most fascinating are the Kinetic sculptures! You can check them out on Instagram @zbluntsandwelds The wire art characters are also displayed here.

Zarwan’s wire art characters are his personal expressions of art and his next goal is for them to feature in a stop motion production. The vision seems far-fetched at the moment, but he dreams big and hopes to achieve them with the right collaborations. “I have learnt to separate art for money and art for me. Have always been a sucker for perfection but have realized that progress is much more important than perfection. If I am able to help anyone by sharing my story I would consider this to be a small but significant contribution”, he says. I wish Zarwan all the best and thank him for sharing this part of his life with us!

Setbacks are inevitable, be it our personal relationships or professional endeavours. It is how we deal with them and what we learn from them that decide if we are able to break the cycle of limited knowledge and negating mind scripts that trap us. Though many of us are blessed with friends and family who lend their steadfast support, it is one’s own self knowledge and a comprehension of one’s own dark side that ultimately pulls us out of the chaos we have invited into our lives unconsciously.

Hence to conclude, I would like to quote Carl Jung – “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light.”

Connect with Zarwan Elavia
Email: zarwan@anythingmetalworks.in
Social: @zbluntsandwelds | www.facebook.com/zarwan.elavia

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The Mindset Of Cleanliness

Cleanliness won’t become a habit unless it is firmly established as a mindset. Keep your mind, body and spirit clean and you will experience the greatest riches of life. Did you know that being clean attracts wealth. Now that should be some motivation! Without cleanliness we are not truly living but just existing, getting old, almost rotting alive and fading away through life.

Thoughts and words can pollute the mind. You can hurt yourself and others if you do not watch what you are saying and thinking constantly. Hygienic habits, thoughtful behavior, taking responsibility for your own actions and reactions cleanses and strengthens your mind and body. But what about the spirit? How do you practice cleanliness of spirit?

By practicing cleanliness of the environment, we practice cleanliness of spirit. By keeping our surroundings clean, we clean up the energy and attract all things positive. Doesn’t a serene mountain top, a relaxed beach, a rejuvenating walk in the forest always lift one’s spirits? A place of worship is always clean. There is something sacred in maintaining clean surroundings. Our sustainability depends on it. Nature has its way of cleaning itself up. Nature on its own is always clean. Our basic needs; air, water, food, shelter and safety depend on cleanliness. To enjoy a quality life, these have to be clean. A clean place is a safe place.

It is difficult to change others and their way of thinking and behaving, but it is not difficult to set an example so begin with yourself. Are your surroundings in order or is everything as disorganized as the unnecessary thoughts in your head. Are you hoarding, do you feel deprived or are you able to let things go. Take a look around you, your immediate surroundings are a reflection of your way of thinking, doing and being. Do you feel fresh and ripe, full of vibrant energy and brilliance or do you feel rotten and helpless, angry with yourself and everyone around you? Your standard of living will tell whether you come from a mindset of abundance or a mindset of lack.

Raise your standard of living by practicing cleanliness in a small way everyday. It helps build a mindset of abundance, generosity and gratitude. It improves your relations and attracts all things joyful. Watch your life transform with this simple attitude of cleanliness of thought, word and deed, practiced together.

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What is Happiness?

I once asked a counselor “what is happiness?” and he told me that we humans are essentially spiritual beings, happiness is found and can be experienced only in the spirit. I thought to myself, what kind of mambo jambo is that, coming from a man of science. I took up yoga in my quest for a satisfying answer and to my pleasant surprise, I found it! Before I go on, I’d like to share what happiness is – its exactly what the counselor said. Of course!

Before yoga, most of my relationships were unstable, unpleasant and I was not happy with myself or the way life was shaping up. I would easily get irritated and angry. Controlling my emotions or being diplomatic was getting harder by the day. I was not an unkind person, I had not been unfair to anyone, then why was life being such a b*tch to me? My personal relationships felt superficial and the anger within weighed me down. I started immersing myself in work, an escapist strategy I’d say. I could only see suffering and struggle inside me and around me. Happiness was just not in the picture.

There are three ways to be happy :

  1. be responsible,
  2. be thankful and kind,
  3. be present.

When I started my yoga training, the first and the toughest lesson learnt was ‘concentrate on changing self, not others’, because that is where you have some control. Take responsibility for your own actions irrespective of what others say or do. An attitude of gratitude with service to others was learnt next. Being thankful for the smallest things is itself the greatest aspect of an amazing life experience. It is what makes us want to help others. The third lesson was ‘be present’, assess and accept reality. But I never understood that until we began studying the yoga sutras of rishi Patanjali. These three sources show us how to be happy but they don’t answer the question just yet – what is happiness?

The very first sutra ‘Atha Yoga Anushasanam’ which translates into Now Begins the Discipline of Awareness bears the ingredient of happiness. Yoga is awareness, awareness is happiness. Atha Yoga Anushasanam is Practice Happiness Now. The reason why I say this is because everyone wants to be happy but no one wants to be aware. ‘Our bodies exist in the past; our minds exist in the future. When we are aware, our bodies and minds come together in the present.’ (BKS Iyenger) Awareness can only be experienced in the present, in the now, in the moment just like happiness. ‘When you find yourself looking back in anger or looking forward in fear, take a pause and look around in awareness.’ (James Thurber)

Awareness is not easy because of daily life stresses and distractions. It actually takes practice and discipline, which makes me think, gosh, what a load of work, isn’t it supposed to come naturally? It does over time when you transition from negative thinking patterns to positive mind scripts using the three ways mentioned above.

A happy person makes others feel the same. The essence of being joyful is feeling light or shall i say, feeling the light. There is a light, an energy within each one of us. At this point, you may think that I have given into the mambo jambo of spirituality. But think of it this way; Calm is at the core of our being. Every other emotion is at the periphery.

Calm is not nothingness, it is rest, it is like a pause. On the extreme negative it becomes daftness, you can’t think straight, you become blank. But on the extreme positive it becomes self assurance, you start thinking clearly and realistically and the clarity of your thoughts and vision gives you a sense of control and well-being. This force is indescribable, it makes one humble and not arrogant.

Happiness and pleasure are not the same. Know the difference and recognize the experience. If you disagree then think of all the things that bring you pleasure. While pleasure is derived from all things material and does not last long, Happiness is always spiritual and can become a consistent life experience depending on how aware you are. Today, I feel humbled to say that thanks to Atha Yoga Anushasanam, life’s a beach!

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Karma Strikes Back – A True Story

I was standing on my balcony one day when karma demonstrated a lesson within ten minutes. It was Makar Sankranti and I was observing the kites in the sky. The day was pleasant and breezy. Besides flying kites, children on this day took great pleasure in kite collecting, chasing cut kites that fell from the sky. I was lost in my own thoughts when I suddenly heard voices from below and saw two small children looking up at me. A girl of around seven and her partner in crime, a boy of around eight.

There was a beautiful green kite in pristine condition stuck on the edge of my balcony on the second floor and they wanted me to release it. I did, and their faces lit up with excitement. But unfortunately the kite drifted and landed on a ledge of the first floor on the opposite building. A wall separated the two buildings but there was no stopping these two kids from going after this big green kite, which would eventually drift off and fall on the other side. The two children wanted to get it before the other kids did. They decided to climb the wall.

The girl squatted and the boy climbed on to her shoulders, balancing with the support of the wall. She slowly stood up and the boy climbed over and sat on top of the wall. Wow, I was a little shocked and quite impressed with their little performance. The girl then put one foot against the wall, stretched out her hand and asked her friend to pull her up. The boy refused. He told her to go around the wall. But the kite would fall by then and she wanted to be around when he got it. The mean boy turned her down again and sent her off all huffing and puffing. She refused to help him further and left.

By that time the other kids had noticed the beautiful green kite and arrived on the scene. The little boy sitting on the wall laughed at them saying they were on the wrong side, the kite would fall on the other side of the wall and he would jump and get it. At that moment the kite slipped off and floated high above the little boy in the direction of the children. The boy was hysterical and shouted, “no, its mine!” and caught the manja (kite string) in order to pull the kite towards him. It was too late. The other kids had their hands on the kite and pulled it out of his hand. The kite string cut the boy’s hand badly and there was blood all over. Seeing this, they panicked and ran off leaving the boy in tears and tremendous pain.

A bystander helped the wailing boy down from the wall and wrapped the bleeding palm tight with a handkerchief. He had been noticing the events and said to the boy, “your little friend gave you her shoulders, you could have easily given her a hand. But you did not and now Karma has cut your hand.”

A hard lesson in life for an eight year old I thought. Selfish thinking got him nowhere. Being thankful, helpful and giving could have got the boy a beautiful green kite.